actually, I'm a sock model
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
