Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
