I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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