Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
