he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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