Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
