absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
