Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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