We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
