Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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