He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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