I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
