Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
a search helicopter?!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
