so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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