Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
