i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
