Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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