Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
