Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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