ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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