so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
