Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
