i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
