I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize