my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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