I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
