Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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