when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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