Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
