He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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