go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
