New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
