If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
