you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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