I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
