Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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