Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
