I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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