Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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