Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
