My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
