he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
