How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
