I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
