Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
