i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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