I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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