Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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