I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
