Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
