I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
