I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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