i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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