It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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