we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
