I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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