69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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