Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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