dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
