i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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