I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
