Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
