I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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