I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
