My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize