How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
