i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
