I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
