why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
