Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize