i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
