so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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