If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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