God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
