Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I supernannyed him into submission
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
