those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize