you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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