I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
