Moan for me like Helen Keller
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
