Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
