I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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