3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
